Please, step this way and I will try and show you what it’s really like to have dementia, writes our columnist Norrms McNamara.

Oops! Mind your step please, that’s what we call spatial awareness. What that means is sometimes you don’t always see what’s in front of you and tend to miss the steps going up or coming down so be careful. Pardon? You can’t see properly? Does it feel like you have net curtains in front of your eyes? Yes, well that’s perfectly normal for those with dementia, looking out on life seems so distorted sometimes, just dementia playing tricks on you.

Please take a seat, Oh Oh! Be careful you nearly missed the seat then, make sure it’s right behind you before you sit as it can sometimes seem nearer than you think. Would you like a drink? There you go, a nice glass of cool water, sorry? You can’t see it? Oh, I am so sorry, what was I thinking? That’s because I have put it in a clear glass, here you go, and it’s in a nice coloured vessel now, is that easier to see? I am so pleased. What? Who’s that at the window? Oh, please don’t worry, it’s probably dementia playing its tricks on you, come on let’s go out for a bit of something to eat. Here you are, here’s your coat, please don’t worry you will find the arms soon, I will help, there you go! It doesn’t matter how long it takes, we will get there.

There you go, all inside the car, please put your seat belt on, Sorry? Hang on I will get out and put it on for you, it’s a bit of a bug***r this dementia ain’t it? There you go, that’s better, off we go. WHOA!! That’s the door handle not the window, please don’t open that if you can remember, I know it’s hard. I am so pleased you feel better getting out and about, and I know how much you like watching the world go by, let’s have a drive over the moors before we go to town. Yes, it’s beautiful isn’t it? The moors just go on forever, what? You feel as if you can breathe easier and see better out here, well that’s wonderful, let’s go and get some lunch in town.

Here we go, wait! Please wait until I stop the car before you get out and please stay on the pavement till we cross to the cafe. I know you don’t like me holding your hand and I know you are not a child but I need to keep you safe, WHOA!! Phew that was close, you didn’t see that car? That why I need to hold onto you, so sorry didn’t mean to shout, just frightened for you, come on let’s get something to eat. What would you like? What do I think you want? How would I know? You want egg, chips and beans, that’s wonderful, would you like to order when the waitress comes? Here she is.

No, he hasn’t had a drink and hasn’t got a speech impediment thank you, waitress! He has dementia and mixes his words up sometimes, please don’t worry it’s not your fault, you don’t know what you don’t know, I will drop some leaflets off. That was quick, here’s your lunch, yes that’s your knife on the right and fork on the left, don’t worry about it. Oops, missed your mouth? I do that so many times and please don’t worry about the spillage, it will wash. No, I am sure the next table isn’t looking at you and if they are then they are only curious and uneducated about those of us with dementia. Be careful, that tea is hot, should have really got you a cold drink. I can see you yawning, are you tired? I know you feel you shouldn’t be, but it’s what happens, so much going on is bound to take it out of you. Here we go, back in the car now, sorry? You don’t know where you are? That’s OK, you’re in your local town centre and we have just had lunch, Yes, we really have and you enjoyed it LOL. Yes, I will take you home now, what do you mean you don’t live here? You do my friend, come on in and sit down.

Please don’t cry, it’s been such a good day really, believe me, it could have been a lot worse, I know you’re frightened and frustrated and don’t ever think you are on your own, there are millions around the world just like us. Sundowning is horrible, we must try and explain to all what it’s like, it happens most afternoons so I must ask your loved ones/carer to change all your appointments to ‘a.m.’ so it’s easier for you, you are the most important person in all this, and the best thing is try and have a nap for an hour.
Goodbye my friend, till next time…